12 BLOCKS TO LISTENING
- COMPARING: Comparing makes it hard to listening because you are always trying to assess who is smarter, more competent, more emotionally healthy – you or the other.
- MIND READING: The mind reader doesn’t pay much attention to what people say. In fact he often distrusts it. He’s always trying to figure out what the other person is really thinking and feeling.
- REHEARSING: If you don’t have time to listen when you’re rehearsing what to say, your whole attention is on the preparation and crafting of your next comment.
- FILTERING: When you filter, you listen to some things and not to others. You pay attention only enough to see if someone is angry, or unhappy or if you’re in emotional danger. Once assured that the communication contains none of those things, you let your mind wander.
- JUDGING: Negative labels have enormous power. If you prejudge someone as stupid or nuts or unqualified, you don’t pay much attention to what they say. You’ve already written them off.
- DREAMING: You’re half listening, and something the person says suddenly triggers a chain of private associations. And you’re off in la la land.
- IDENTIFYING: In this block, you take everything a person tells you and refer It back to your own experience. They tell you about a toothache, but that reminds you about the time you had oral surgery.
- ADVISING: You are a great problem solver, ready with help and suggestions. You don’t have to hear more than a few sentences before you begin searching for the right advise.
- SPARRING: This block has you arguing and debating with people. The other person never feels heard because you’re so quick to disagree.
- BE RIGHT: Being right means that you will go to any length (twist the facts, start shouting, make excuses or accusations, call up past sins) to avoid being wrong. Your convictions are unshakeable.
- DERAILING: This listening block is accomplished by suddenly changing the subject. You derail the train of conversation when you get bored or uncomfortable with the topic.
- PLACATING: “Right, Right, Right, Absolutely, I know, of course you are Incredible. Yes, Really? You want to be nice, pleasant, supportive. You want people to like you. So you agree with everything.
Knock these blocks down in order to bring your listening behavior to the top level…..LISTENING PAYS!